In Joy and Sorrow
by BAdeMorte
Summary: Lila Marwolaeth is a mutant, whose power comes from the soul,which includes the ability to see the dead. With the help of Phoenix Grey she will show two spirits of The Murder House that somethings are meant to be even if the path changes.
1. Chapter 1

**In Joy and Sorrow**

"_**I've been believing in something so distant, as if I was human. And I've been denying this feeling of hopelessness in me." ~Lost in Paradise by Evanescence **_

Prologue:

Impressions are the most important things in life. The reason being is that they are so lasting. Everything you do or don't do, leaves a mark on everything and everyone.

Most don't understand that. They don't see that the slightest touch can leave the deepest mark. Nothing is insignificant. We are all connected, pity that most are too blind to see it. Others do not have the choice nor the desire to be blind. Then there are those, who need someone to show them the way to understanding. That's where I come in.

My realm is the dead. Even though I have a pulse, I deal more with the lost souls after their hearts stop beating. Anyone can help the living. Only a few can help the dead. Lucky me.

Since I was seven and tried to explain to my Sunday school teacher that Old Marcus wasn't an imaginary friend, but a dead man, whose crotch she was talking to, life has been a bit complicated. I have helped many since then, and I can say that love leaves the strongest impressions. I have seen it time and time again.

One of my favorites was a spirit named Liam. He was waiting for his Sophia. He died during World War II before he could get a dance with her. He waited seventy years for that dance. Last time I checked, they were still dancing. It's a truly beautiful sight.

Then there is the darker side of love. It also leaves a deep impression. People tend to forget that love can be dark, or that those of darkness can love. It's not all sunshine and sweetness. It can be cruel and consuming. The dark side of love is wild, dangerous, and all consuming. There are people, who just can't resist that siren call.

Thinking of this reminds me of the time I went to the Murder House in Los Angeles. Now, that was an adventure for many reasons. Two lost souls trapped in uncertainty. Both unable to bridge the gap that was between them. To help proved dangerous in more ways than I expected. But I still had to do it. It's who I am.

Then there was the other surprise. Phoenix Grey, who was my partner in this adventure, is a truly unique person. Most people would leave if they landed in the situation we were in. Not Phoenix. He stayed the whole time without a complaint. He is a watchful protector that doesn't pass judgment on even the darkest and most twisted of souls.

Who am I? I am Lila Marwolaeth, and this is just one of my stories, while walking with the dead. Now, thinking back on it, one of the most important in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1:**

There are those moments that you just know are important and life changing, when they happen. It doesn't need to be a big, flashy moment. A quiet one will do.

The moment that changed things for me in this story happened October 3rd of this year. I was walking down the street, near a little café I liked to spend my time. The leaves were dancing in the breeze, as the smell of autumn lingered in the air. It was a glorious day to be alive.

Then I caught a strain of what some would think of as music. It was a song of a soul. Each of our souls sings a different tune that I can hear. Some can be sweet and playful. Others come off as dark and brooding. This one was hint of a song that was sweet, clear, and absolutely beautiful. Needing to know where this song was coming from, I stopped and turned. I saw the most amazing grayish green eyes. They belong to a man, who happen to look a lot like Ville Valo from the band HIM. I found that a bit amusing, since my favorite song was "Killing Loneliness".

Pausing for a moment, I stood dazzled by the song of his soul. Part of me wanted to leap across the street and touch him to see if he was real. Instead, I blinked, and he was gone. The only evidence of his existence is was the lingering notes from his soul.

The song and the man stayed in my mind, but I tried to put it aside. What was the point in dwelling on a passing moment? So, I went about my business without another thought.

Then on the 9th of October I decided to amuse myself. It was night and no one was around. With a smile on my face and my eyes closed, I danced with my soulfire. I had music singing in my mind, and the flames dancing in my palms. Swaying and twirling with the flames, I was in a state of bliss.

I was so caught up in my dance that I did not see him come up to me, until I saw the flames reflect in his eyes. I was a bit startled at first, but the warm, caring smile quickly put me at ease. It was the same man that I thought was a dream on the street on the 3rd. He was real, and standing in front of me.

With cat like eyes and a sweet smile, he watched me curiously. I could sense that he meant no threat to me. I moved closer to him. In a way it was almost like a dance. I just didn't know who was leading and I was fine with that.

He bowed and with a purr in his voice said, "Pleasure to meet you. I am Phoenix Grey."

Resisting the urge to curtsey, I smiled a little, "Lila Marwolaeth, dear sir. The pleasure is mine. I hope I didn't startle you."

He smiled, "Not much startles me. I have seen many things. My nature is to watch. Your dance caught my eye."

I laughed, "Flames do tend to be eye catching. I'm usually more cautious. Sometimes, the music just calls to me. What do you watch and for what purpose?"

He answers, "I watch all manner of things. I keep to the shadows. You'd be surprised at what you witness, when you keep to the fringe of things. Also, it's a good way to gauge if something is a threat or not."

I nodded, "I can understand that. Safety is very important. Especially, to those like us. Still, I have this feeling that you like to keep yourself separate. Seems a shame."

He grinned, "Do you think so? The world must have watchers and guides to help others. I am most comfortable separate from others company. My own is enough for me."

I tilted my head, watching him. My palm itched to touch him. Part of me still wasn't sure, if he was real or a vision in my mind.

Hesitatingly, I held out my palm towards him. He gave me a questioning look. I smiled, "I mean no harm. May I?"

When he nodded, I lightly touched my palm to his chest. A soft blue glow spread from my palm to his chest. In that small connection, I could feel the essence of the man.

Have you ever heard or seen something so beautiful that all you could do is be completely dazzled? That was his soul to me. There are no words to describe how reading his soul made me feel. At least none that would give it justice.

Looking up at him with tears unknowingly running down my cheeks, I smiled, "You are a truly beautiful soul."

Gently wiping away my tears, he looked down at me with a soft smile. Taking my hand, he started leaning me in a dance. With grace and elegance, we waltzed in the moonlight.

The weeks after that night I would meet him at that spot. Feeling silly and foolish, I would be hoping each time he would be there, and my spirit would feel lighter each time I saw him walking up to me. We would just talk or sometimes dance. Once he even sang "Phantom of the Opera" to me in his lovely voice. It was hard for a girl not to fall for that.

Still, I just kept it friendly. I knew from reading his soul that he wasn't interested in anything but friendship from anyone. He was happy just existing. I was just happy being in his presence. I didn't care about how I was in his life. Just that I was in it was enough for me.

The Murder House around the same time:

Staring out of the window, I had my hands clenched in frustration. One time I was able to leave freely. GOD!I fucking missed that! The walls seem to be closing in. Making it hard to breathe. Well, it would be hard to breathe, if I was still alive.

Last year I moved into into this house with my mom and dad, and a few months later I ended up like...THIS. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to leave MY home. But my shithead of a dad fucked up, literally. Because my dad couldn't keep it in his pants, the Harmon family got the joy of trying for a fresh start.

What a fucking crock. There was no fresh start, just the illusion of one. Dad still went back to fuck his mistress. In the end we all died. Mom, Dad, Hayden, and me. One big fucking happy family...not.

Sometimes, I wonder if this was Hell. What can be more hellish that being trapped with THEM? Feeling his presence near, answered that question for me.

Tate Langdon, the real reason for me wanting to bolt, was lurking. He was always around, usually watching me, when he didn't think I know. I ALWAYS knew. From the moment I saw him, I was drawn to him. He was my obsession.

Some might think it funny that a fourteen year old girl would use the word obsession, but there is no better word for it. Since the first moment, I lived for him, and in a way, died for him. If that is not obsession, I don't know a better example.

Turning away from the window, I glanced at the closet door. I might not be able to leave, until Halloween, but that doesn't mean I don't have my escapes. Quickly, I opened the closet and settled in. In here I can ignore everyone. I can pretend that I'm not forced to be around people I hate. I can pretend that I hate HIM.

Placing my head in my hands, I fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. How mortifying, Violet Harmon, the fearless one, weeping alone in a closet. I didn't cry. I screamed. I yelled. I punched and lashed out, but I did NOT cry. Not until him. I've shed a lot of tears, since he came into my life.

Rubbing my eyes in a vain attempt to not cry, I went over everything that happened, since we came to California and the Murder House. I couldn't help but grin at that. I should have known that there would be no other ending but this one living in a house with that name. The blame for living in this house can squarely be placed on my shoulders. My fascination for the darkness made living in this house irresistible to me. So, I guess the blame for our deaths was mine.

Hearing movement outside of the closet, I tensed. It was Tate moving closer. I guess that since he couldn't see me, he was looking to see where I might have gone. Part of me wanted to throw something at him and scream. Another part, and this is what tortured me the most, wanted to be held by him and have him tell me everything will be okay. I was being torn in half and I didn't know how to stop it, or to even fix it.

Hearing the movement again, I debated on whether on not to say anything. In the end I held my tongue, until I sensed that he moved back out of the room. After another minute I relaxed. The urge to run to him became more bearable, not much, but enough that I could ignore it.

The craving for a cigarette started to rear up. You would think with dying, stupid cravings and urges would go away. I mean, I really didn't have a body. So, why the fuck would I crave a cigarette? Another one of life's little mysteries. Could write a fucking book on them.

Slamming my head back against the wall a few times, I closed my eyes to the sensation of the memory of pain. Death is the biggest scam. It didn't solve a damn thing. It just brought more questions. Fuck, I didn't even KNOW I was dead at first. Shouldn't there have been a tunnel or a bright light? I would have been thrilled with a post-it note cluing me in.

I know that life wasn't cut and dry, but I would think that I would get SOME answers in death. Nope. Not a damn one. No angels coming in to fill me in on the meaning of life. No spirit guide letting me in on the big secrets. I wouldn't have cared, except I really wanted one question answered.

Peeking out of the closet, I looked around. Seeing that it was clear, I crawled out of my hiding place. Looking around, I was at a lost. The urge to cry came over me again. I don't think death would be so bad, if I just KNEW.

Was Tate meant for me, or was this just a horrible twist of fate? Was there such thing as true love, or was everything just chance? If I just knew the answers to that, I could stop being so torn. Maybe I could find a little peace and maybe some happiness. Until then, I was living in Hell. I needed some help, but I don't think there is anyone that can help me. I'm dead. I'm beyond help. Right?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2:**

A few weeks later I had a vision. Sometimes, the souls of the dead are in such pain and anguish that they cry out, hoping that anyone would hear and answer. The cry was heartbreaking.

In my mind, I could see a young girl, pretty and delicate in build. The confusion and pain was etched on her face. She was tormented.

Next to her was a young blonde man. He was tall and thin. He was near the young girl. He also looked tormented. He also looked like he wanted to reach out to the girl, but was afraid of being rejected. Not being connected to her was tearing him apart.

A sound startled me from the vision. Looking to my right, I saw a little orange tabby cat peeking at me from the bushes. Smiling, I made cooing sounds, until he came close enough for me to pick him up. Gently holding him in my arms, I fed him a piece of shortbread cookie.

I was so busy with the little cat that I didn't notice the large black panther that came up next to us. Looking up, I didn't hesitate. Holding a piece of shortbread up, I asked, "Would you like a cookie, Kitty?"

I heard a chuckle in my mind, before I heard a familiar voice answer, "No thank you, my dear. Maybe another time. I see you have made a new friend."

I laughed, "Phoenix! I should have known it was you. I would have realized it right away, if it hadn't been for the little darling distracting me."

Looking down at the cat, I noticed he has a cut along his shoulder area. Without even thinking, I placed my hand on the cut and closed my eyes. A blue glow came from my hand, as I brought my energy forth onto the wound. When the glow faded, I moved my hand to show that the cut was healed completely.

Phoenix quickly morphed from a panther into his human form with an amazed look on his face. Looking at me with a smile, "You are a healer as well. I love learning more about you. What other gifts do you have, if I may be so bold as to ask?"

Holding the cat close to me, I answered, "I can see and hear the

dead. It kind of goes hand and hand with the ability to read the soul. I guess you can say my realm of power is the soul. I was told at one time that the fire I produce is called soulfire. It's suppose to be a gift from the angels. I don't know what kind of angel would give a human such power, but there it is."

Gently scratching behind the cat's ear, he said, "I do not know about that. You seem like someone that is very careful about how you'd use your powers. What's your friend's name?"

Looking down at the purring cat, I smiled, "I don't know. We've just met. Want to help me name him?"

He shook his head and chuckled, "I'm horrible at coming up with names. He came to you. You should be the one to name him."

Thinking for a moment before I answered, "I think Pax is a good name. It means peace. What do you think?"

Phoenix nodded, " I think that's a good name. I also think your friend approves, if we can go by his purring. It's a pleasure to meet you, Pax. You seemed troubled before I came up to you, Lila. Is everything well?"

I sighed, "I don't know yet. Something is coming, but I don't know what. I'll let you know, when I figure it out. I promise."

Brushing some of my hair from my face, he said, "I will hold you to that promise. I am here for you, if you wish. You do not need to go through anything alone."

I smiled, "Thank you, Phoenix. That means a lot to me. So, what adventures have you witnessed today?"

He shrugged, "Not much today. It's been rather quiet. I was helping a student train. She is still having trouble controlling her powers. They're a bit...volatile to say the least. She is improving though. Shall we walk?"

He stood up and offer me his hand. Making sure I had a secure hold on Pax, I took a hold of his hand and got up. As Pax crawled and perched onto my shoulder, my mind went back the vision. I started to feel more sympathy for those two. Was I not in a similar situation? I have made myself a friend, when I wished for more. He didn't want more than friendship. Since not having him in my life was unacceptable, I lived with a growing longing that I knew could never become. Not just because of his feeling, but because I felt my past made me unworthy of such attention from him. The other choice was just unbearable. So, I kept my feelings to myself.

Phoenix looked at me with confusion, "I lost you again, my dear. You were miles away. Are you sure you won't tell me? I am a very good listener."

With Pax purring in my ear, I smiled, "Do not worry. When I figure it out, I promise to tell you. I'm just trying to find all the pieces. I do not talk about such things, until I know what's going on. Tends to keep the confusion and misunderstanding down to a minimal."

He frowned, but nodded, "As you wish. I just can't help but think that there is more going on in that lovely head of yours. You can tell me anything. I will not judge you."

Bracing Pax on my shoulder, I smiled, "I believe you. I just have some stray thoughts running though my head. Nothing you need to worry about."

I could tell he wanted to push a bit more, but that was not his nature. My secrets were safe until or if I ever wanted to revel the darker parts of my past. I believed him, when he said that he would not judge. Still, the dread that he might think a little less of me settled in my heart and in my mind. Somethings I have found are best left in the shadows of the past, then you can pretend that it's doesn't hurt anymore. That the regret is no longer there.

The Murder House:

I woke up from a nap. Funny how I still slept, even though I was dead. Turning onto my back, I caught his scent. He had been next to me, while I was asleep. I didn't know how I felt about that. No, that was a lie. I did. I just didn't want to admit it.

Looking up at the ceiling, my mind went back to months since my death. When I first died, I thought it was perfect. I would be forever with the one I love. Yeah, be careful what you wish for, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah. Now, I was doing my best to pretend that he didn't exist.

I was SO angry what he did. Most would call it unforgivable. I couldn't even look at him...then I started thinking.

I went back to everything I've done. Both when I was alive and after I died. I was feeling like a hypocrite. I mean, I accused him of been the darkness. Was I any less dark than him? I've done cruel, horrible things. How could I condemn him, when I was in a way, the same?

Sitting up, I wrapped my arms around my legs. I hated these thoughts. It wasn't like they would solve anything. I wasn't going to have any kind of epiphany. I was just stuck in time. I wasn't going to move forward. The only comfort was that I had plenty of time to waste. I didn't know if that made it more or less bearable.

Feeling his presence, I sighed, "You can stop lurking. I know you're there."

Tate slowly shuffled into the room. He looked uncertain. I didn't blame him. The last time we talked, it had been real ugly. I basically accused him of being evil incarnate. That tends to make a person weary.

I looked at him for a minute, before I nodded and said, "Hey."

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he just nodded. It didn't take a mind reader to get that he was uncomfortable. Still, I didn't want to make it easy on him. It seemed too much like surrendering. Like I was admitting that I was wrong in some way. Didn't want to do that.

Finally, when I thought enough time had past, I looked up, "So, did you want to tell me something, or do you like lurking in the shadows?"

He shrugged, "Seemed like the best thing to do. I didn't want to bug you. I know you hate me, Vi, but I don't hate you."

I sighed, "I don't know if I hate you, Tate. I know I was SO angry at what you did. I know I SHOULD hate you. What you did...it should be unforgivable."

Moving closer to the bed, he said, "I know, Vi. I'm a monster. Still, a monster can love. I CAN and DO love you."

Tugging at my hair, I frowned, "How do you know? I mean really? I'm the first girl that's lived here, since you died. How do you know that's real, and not some kind of freaky coincidence?"

He shrugged, "You just got to have faith, Vi. I know that's funny, coming from me. But there it is. I have faith that we were meant to be together. I felt it from the first moment I saw you."

I groaned in frustration, "Tate, you were dead already. It could have been any teenage girl, who moved in here. It just happened to be me, who was the stupid, morbid, idiot. Luck of the draw. That's ALL it was."

With his hands in his pockets, he chuckled, "Now, come on, Vi. You don't really believe that. Do you? I know somethings might have changed since I've died, but I'm sure not many fourteen year old girls want to live in a place known for murder. You're fearless."

Slapping my hands over my ears, I screamed, "DON'T SAY THAT! I'M ANYTHING, BUT THAT!"

I felt his gentle hands take mine. Funny, how gentle he was with me. I knew that he could be vicious and cruel. I've seen it. Still, he was always gentle with me. He wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks. He said nothing. He didn't judge, or condemn. He just accepted me. How could I condemn him?

Holding me close, he whispered, "You're good, Vi. I was tainted long before I died. I know this now. You showed me what the light is."

I cried even more, "No, Tate. I'm not the light. I've done awful, horrible things. I'm just so confused. I just want answers. Is that too much to expect? To want to be sure?"

He chuckled, "Not for you, Vi. You're always trying to find the answers to everything. I'm sure, given time, you'll figure out all the secrets of the universe. It's just how you are."

Frowning, I asked, "But these questions are impossible. How can you know, if something is meant to be? I suck at the faith thing."

He smiled, "I have an idea. I wanted to see if you wanted to go hang out Halloween. Let's do something different instead."

I tilted my head and studied his face. I couldn't tell what he was planning. The only thing his face showed was an eager smile. I was curious, but I wasn't going to agree to anything blindly.

Still frowning, I asked, "What do you have in mind?"

He grinned, "You want answers. Right? Then let's use the Ouija board to find them. It will be Halloween. The dead can do all kinds of cool things. Let's see if someone out there has the answers. What do you say, Vi?"

I shrugged, "Sure. What do we have to lose? The worst that can happen is that we waste Halloween this year in a creepy basement. Let's do it."


End file.
